This was written before we were mobilised in January and began our training….
The alarm I have to wake me up is probably the most annoying alarm you can have, that horrible loud waar waar waar! The standard everyone seems to have with the one choice of that or the radio but the radio never seems to do the job! It’s not just the noise it’s everything that singular noise represents… a constant daily reminder its 6.20am time to get up and join the rat race, those few seconds or sometimes minutes where you wince at the thought of getting out of your nice warm bed, “why can’t I just stay here, just for today!” Over the last 4 months I’ve been in a different routine each morning, still getting up at the same time but taking a different route, heading to Birmingham instead of Oswestry, same company different job, taking the train instead of driving. I’ve grown to like my new journey I thought I’d hate it when I first considered it but its ok. Although I’m sure I must still be in the honey moon period! But for the moment an hour long train journey gives me time to read, have a snooze and sort my self out ready for the day ahead… Most mornings when I wake up I tell myself there’s only so many days left till the weekend then I can have a nice lie in, although I seem to trade that in at the drop of a hat for a night on the lash and when/if I do finally go to bed I don’t really get a good nights sleep and spend most of the weekend tired any way!
The monotony of life can some times feel tedious and boring leading to a point were I think we all must question what we’re doing with our lives, do we do all we can do are we all we can be, I think its how you approach your life that can make all the difference. I find myself forgetting some times how lucky I am as I’m sure we all do. Just rolling through in autopilot, work and play, work and play, is it the same all the time, No but the most complex of things can become routine if you do it enough… I do allot of things with my life, I’ve got my Job at BT, the TA, we’re doing a lot of music production and performances as P.A.S on the hard dance scene, I also run 2 dance events Invasion and Fuzzy Logic and the great thing is all these things I do with very close friends, I’ve always given everything 110% and worked hard on everything day in day out but recently life’s directions changed and so has my approach…. I’ve been called up to serve in Afghanistan, my regiment 4 Mercian is providing a company of infantry soldiers to be deployed in Helmand province, again it depends how you look at life and what you want out of it, this news has actually for me been great news and i got very excited at the prospect of 6 months in Helmand…. although i’m sure there will be times i look back at this statement and question my thoughts…
These days when my alarm wakes me up I’m thinking about a lot of other stuff, not just the routine rat race stuff… lots of questions, lots of thinking…. Only 2 weeks left, 1 week left, 2 days left in my own bed then in the next 9 months I will see my bed for a total of about 3 weeks… Since I found out we’re going to Afghanistan my priorities in life and planning has all changed some what drastically and in the process my life feels a tad “messy” that’s probably the best way to describe it. When I found out we were definitely going I decided for myself I would just concentrate on work as my career with BT is important to me and as I’m going to be away for a long time I need to work hard right to the last minute… Then I’d also just concentrate on the forthcoming tour of Afghanistan, as reality kicks in decisions have to be made… I no longer put half the effort I should into Fuzzy Logic, Invasion, P.A.S, even the T.A is on the back burner, my philosophy is they’re getting me for the larger part of next year so they can do without me for a few weekends…
As time is now short I don’t want to spend it stressed out and working constantly and all those things cause just that. My time is now spent working in the day and then in the evenings doing physical training or trying to do nothing, which feels strange to me as I’ve never been the type to just do nothing but I want time to do nothing, I want time for me with no thoughts other than what’s going to happen next to Jack Bower or Will Tony ever leave Hollyoaks! I’ve got a lot of thoughts going on in my mind about what I need to sort out, what I need to do and what’s going to happen over the coming year, as well as what I’ll be missing back here. Some time to tune in to what’s coming up not just the tour but the weeks of training before hand, get that out of the way and get on with the job.
The New Year is here, alot of people look at it as a new start and all the jazz but it’s never really meant a lot to me, although this year was different. At midnight everyone was doing the rounds wishing each other all the best and I thought to myself this year is actually going to be totally different to any other and it all starts in just 4 days! A lot of the people who were out, I won’t see until later on in the year and maybe not until I get back from Afghanistan… This New Year for once in my life actually did have some meaning, the end of one chapter and the beginning of what is set to be a very different and interesting chapter of my life….